Q. I hope you can help me. My mother is getting up in age -not old, just aging.
If I help her with things she says "Do you think I'm incompetent just because I'm getting old?"
If I don't she says "I can't believe at my age I have to do these things myself."
I don't think she's just saying this - I think she means it. How do I know what to do?
How much help is too much? Should I take her words seriously or just ignore them? HELP PLEASE!
The constant feelings of obligation and guilt can be overwhelming to caregivers.
One of the common struggles adult children have when caring for their parents is the "child ego-state" that adults revert back to, when in the company of a parent.
One of the things you might try is to enter the next meeting as a loving, supportive adult.
When an individual is operating from this frame of reference, they are less likely to be as "sensitive" to their parents (sometimes difficult) mood.
Answered by Kenneth G. Alexander