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Revenge of the
Blue Drink Drunk
By Miss Melody McClain

One of my all-time favorite sketch comedy skits came from The Kids in the Hall, a Canadian troupe of funny men. In the scene, often known as "Girl Drink Drunk," a guy who doesn't really drink a lot becomes addicted to fruity drinks laden with umbrellas and giant fruit pieces.

He descends into an alcoholism that can only be described as girl drink drunk. In one shot, he's in the closet at his office, running the blender to make his frozen fruit concoction.

I, too, have a confession to make. I am a blue drink drunk. It doesn't matter what it tastes like, if the drink contains blue curaçao, I'll be imbibing. You see, blue drinks are the mark of a certain je ne sais quoi. They attract attention, both from boys and girls, curious to know more about the drink.

Blue martini I typically meet up with my girlfriends over blue alcohol. The dramatic color seems to go down more smoothly, and lips loosen a little faster. Many juicy tidbits of gossip have been traded over blue margaritas, blue cosmopolitans, or even the tropical blue Hawaii. (If you plan to be a blue drink drunk, please be safe and designate drivers or arrange to have a cab take you home.)

But the palatability of this particular type of cocktail can produce some unintended hazards. Last summer, my friend hosted what I believed to be a "Sex in the City" (S&C) themed party. Wanting to support this fun theme, I offered to make blue cosmopolitans.

I gathered all the ingredients (white cranberry juice, lime juice, blue curaçao and vodka), packed up my favorite martini glasses and headed over to this friend's patio.

Please note that it is a cardinal sin to serve martini-type drinks in improper glassware. There are no exceptions to this rule, even if you think your guests will carelessly break all of your martini glasses. That's why we have Ikea.*

Everyone at the S&C party was having a lovely time drinking and chatting. That is until the host noted that his martini glasses were cursed. The guests were like, what do you mean, cursed? After the five of us polished off an entire bottle of vodka in approximately two hours, we discovered the meaning of cursed.

And it lingered well beyond the next morning. The host likes to remind us that a guest's unplanned sickness in the bushes discolored the leaves of the poor plant. Oh the humanity!

But the great thing about the blue cosmopolitan is that it's the same recipe as the one used to make a traditional cosmopolitan. Just remember to use white cranberry juice and blue curaçao. Otherwise, you'll end up with a purple cosmo (which is fun but not blue).

Here's the recipe for this sophisticated, intoxicating drink:

  • 2 oz vodka
  • 1/2 oz lime juice
  • 1 oz blue curaçao
  • 2 oz white cranberry juice
  • Sliced lime

Fill your martini shaker with ice. Add the all the ingredients. Shake well. Pour into chilled martini glass. Garnish with lime.

If you have an entertaining question for Miss Melody, drop her a line.

*While it is not recommended, you can be like the host of the S&C party and use plastic martini glasses. Unfortunately, the plastic glasses in question are cursed and should never be used again.

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