Claire Thinking
Lumpy Girl Claire announces her diet and plans to lose weight

All right, who is the funny guy who replaced my mirror with one from a funhouse? There is absolutely no way that I really look like that. I'm much taller and thinner and less, I don't know…lumpy?

Aack! Is this thing zeroed out? Is it possible that I've gained 40 pounds?

That kind of weight just doesn't come on overnight. How could I not have noticed?

Ok, so I admit that I've needed to buy larger sizes, but I never actually equated that with gaining weight.

Well, maybe I did, but I never thought it was going to be a permanent thing. And I really didn't think it showed - that much. Ok, I'm in total denial.

I guess I thought that if I ignored it, then it would go away. Unfortunately, it hasn't gone away. It has adhered itself to my backside, and my thighs, and my belly, and my upper arms, and even under my chin in a most unbecoming manner. Sigh! As it turns out, I really am that lumpy.

What do I do now? It's too late to go back to ignorance - I've seen the lumpy girl and she knows it. I can't look in a mirror now without her looking back at me. She will not be ignored. I have no choice - lumpy girl has got to go!

This won't be easy. Lumpy girl is stubborn. She does not like to perspire so she drags her feet the whole time I try to exercise.

When making meal choices she is never satisfied with a salad when fries can be had. During stressful situations she whispers in my ear, "eat the chocolate!"

I have no one to blame but myself. I created her and I obviously like her way of living or I wouldn't look just like her.

I have tried many times to break away from her hold on me but to no avail. No matter how strong my resolve, lumpy girl continues to reappear.

That's why I've decided to go public. I am hoping that with the encouragement (or ridicule) of other Cleveland women, I can finally lose those 40 pounds and banish lumpy girl from my mirror - for good!

Watch and see.

Icky Fact: If you think of a pound of fat as the same as 4 sticks or one pound of butter, then I have the equivalent of 160 sticks of butter stuck on my body where it shouldn't be.

Claire.